Midnight Special

Midnight Special tobacco company kicks ASS.

Not because their tobacco is good. It’s not.

Not because it’s cheap to buy; that’s the only reason l usually DO buy it.

And it’s not even that they’re out of Tucker, GA, a Bud-swilling, joint-tokin, mullet-rockin suburb of Atlanta that has sentimental value for me because my first real boyfriend and l lived there for a while. No, not even that is ultimately why Midnight Special rocks.

Midnight Special rocks because they understand pathetic smokers and help em out a little. A smoker who rolls their own smokes is usually more likely to run out of papers before they run out of tobacco. If they are the tokin kind, no worries, since there are usually backups. But if they’re not, or are simply out of papers, woe be to the man with half a pouch of tobacco taunting him while he racks his brain for SOMETHING to put that tobacco IN that will come close to qualifying as a cigarette. I’ve heard some scary stories. I refuse to go there.

So one day l’m desperately turning my place inside out for a forgotten pack of rolling papers, to no avail. I grab the pack of papers l just finished, yank out the top cardboard and little red strip of paper signifying the end of the pack in hopes of finding a straggler…and lo and behold, there are five papers behind it. This cannot be coincidence or a random paper stuck back there.  There are too many. So next time l buy some Midnight Special, when l get low, l again remove the deceptive little red paper, and again, like magic, five extra rolling papers appear.

I LOVE Midnight Special. Here’s what l figure. Somewhere along the line, their marketing dudes were grooming their mullets, drinkin brews, and doing target practice with the empty cans when they ran out of papers. Being too drunk or lazy to run to the store for more (or Bubba Joe was up two cans and wanted to stay in the lead), they did what every diehard smoker does and ripped the pack up in search for just oooone more paper. Alas, they found none, and then, the aha moment. “Even if some of our customers throw the pack away without a second thought when they think it’s done, WE and any customers in our current predicament will know the Special Secret. Tobacco will be had by all for a short moment longer, and they can fit in another Bud Light before they REALLY run out!!” And so the ‘Fooled ya’ factor was born, and true to form, every pack of Midnight Special rolling papers since always has an extra five hiding in the back. Relax, have a crappy beer, and smoke some crappy tobacco…you could have none at all.

Midnight Special rawks.